(poor pokemon doesn’t know “Local business”will charge him to dry-clean his tail!!)
‘SATIRE IS OUR MIDDLE NAME!!”
…”You been getting comments on yer blog,”said Carolyn,reading over my shoulder,again,”that your blog exaggerates all the bad stuff about Eugene Oregon.”
I handed her the phone, so my sister,who was on long distance phone to me,could answer that question.”No,” she voiced loudly to Carolyn,”It’s not an exaggeration that Eugene Oregon has some of the very most DISHONEST TRADESMEN( plumbers,bug-guys,repair,ect) in all of the USA.”
She continued,”My sister is a native, but she is UNDER-exaggerating the problem!!! the dishonesty of tradesmen in Eugene is much WORSE than she says!!!I wouldn’t move back to Eugene,unless the rest of the nation was all atom-bombed!–and maybe not then!!”
“My sister found “real handy-men”,in California, you think i should move back?”I asked.My sister promptly hung up the phone;she LIKED not living with poor relatives.OH, well,that’s California!!(to be continued soon).
“So what are ye going to do?” asked Carolyn.”You should get a boyfriend, and get him to fix stuff!!–lots of women do that–they even marry them,just to get everything in the house(and outside) fixed.,”I used to do that when i was young,”I answered, dourly,”It was easier to get a white,tall Christian guy,who was really good at fixing things.I had a male gay Jewish roomie,years ago,who was a great guy,but not at repairs–the half Japanese guy was talented at that.”
“Are you doing “racial-stereo-typing”?asked Carolyn,looking at my cat throwing up on the floor.”By the way,why do you let yer cat eat grass all the time?It just makes them throw up.””–instead of a hair ball,”I answered,”She won’t let me brush or comb her,so i can’t stop the hairballs,so she just eats grass,and then i also give her that anti-hairball medicine,which she hates me for putting on her.”
Aside from my cat,I had to explain to Carolyn that i was not racially-stereotyping my ex friends and roomies;”They were just the way they were, nothing more or less,”I said.”But some where along the line,i gave up repair-man boyfriends, cause I couldn’t handle the relationships.” It was true; San Francisco was not the best place to look for straight, white, wage-earning boyfriends who were not really screwed up.I was screwed up,too, sure and that was an added incentive to go without boyfriends there.
WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?OH,YEAH, the plight of home repair in Eugene Oregon~~Go to Lowe’s hardware, or anything except Jerry’s,ask them how to fix stuff, and buy the stuff to repair it!!START learning to do it yerself!!In Eugene, it seems to be necessary;I could not pay Petersen plumbing any more, cause they would cost me $500. just for replacing a leaky toilet!!!~”What are you gonna do?”repeated Caroline,”Learn plumbing?”
My answer was amazing even to me;”Hey, I did lots of other things that are not supposed to be possible; I am a survivor,lots of my former friends are dead,or homeless,or locked up somewhere.If I need to learn elementary plumbing, then THAT is what I will do!!!”I will call up all the hardware stores,some of them have tutorials,or classes to learn home repair.
They realize that in Oregon,Lane County,you better learn to repair and fix stuff in your own house, cause if you hire any tradesmen in Eugene,Oregon, you are in trouble.–Either they will “fix it” so yer toilet runs riot every 6 months,or charge you $500. for a simple leak.
What do you think all those huge hardware stores are for?Just for the professionals?no way!! They are selling all those desperate homeowners tools,equipment, and materials so they can fix the fucking junk themselves!!We seniors don’t have much money since we were all FIRED in immense amts. and have not been able to get a job since the big lay-off.It was SENIORS and middle -agers who lost all their jobs–and often could never get another one!!.
“Yeah,”mused Carolyn,”Seniors did’nt really retire,a lot of the time,they just got permanently laid off!!Your sisters’ partner was one of the few seniors I ever heard of,who got another job in business,after she was fired by that nasty big law firm–cause the company wanted a young cheap person who was less expensive,and would put up with abuse on the job.–And that’s what they hired.-
“-but it did turn out,yer sister said, the law firm got what they paid for--the new person could not do the job! .HAH HAH–DON’T YOU just LOVE CORPORATIONS?DON’T you wish the guys from Fight Club would organize, and really blow them all up?–like in the movie?–I love that movie!!”
“Me too,”I replied, “It was truly so well written, as a satire of the modern work world–and how all the MEN were so fed up with it!!!I really relate to that movie,and the men in it who are frustrated with the asshole modern world.But now I must leave that hallowed ground of workmen frustrated, and learn how to fix a lotta stuff myself,so i don’t get broke and swindled in this city any more. I am NOT KIDDING. WHAT ELSE should I do with an 140 IQ? be a damn scholar? Crap,I need to fix stuff in the REAL WORLD!!”
“wELL,” REPLIED cAROLYN,”i gotta say, yer new armor-plated mail box looks like a big tank without the wheels.I notice a few of yer neighbors got similar ones.Nice!!I like it!!You are learning a little!!” “Wish me luck,”I say, starting to turn up hardware stores, online, and phone no.s. Altho my SISTER was always the one who was good at every craft under the sun.I am the non-fix-it-sister till now.I will just try this out of need.” We both decided I would do it.
Damn the torpedoes!!!(I love submarine movies,cause you would never get ME into one of those submerged tin-cans!!Men truly do stuff not all we women want to do, also.At least not this chicken!!!)Hah hah!!! 🙂 🙂
(Sandraminadottie, in Eugene,I sewed a dress from scratch,but now I gotta do the same for house-hardware!!!)…..