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I guess they’ve been
(“SATIRE IS OUR MIDDLE NAME!!”)
“WHO are those little strange men, in your backyard?” Asked Carolyn, who had just come over again (like she has any other place to go, except hang out at malls, or go to a really drab and expensive (Williamelane in Springfield, thank you!)senior center, where you have to pay for every single thing you do! How do you seniors like that here? You got to pay for everything you do in a senior center, (which kind of negates the whole reason for a senior Center after all). You may as well join a fitness club, and hang out there and chat up the young people.
Or, you really wealthy people go out and play golf.I hate golf and I’m not wealthy. After all, I am a native of Oregon, and very few of us are even middle-class, let alone wealthy. – – And if we are forced to retire, like MOI, because of some physical disabilities, then you are kind of out of it.. You shouldn’t be living in Eugene Oregon, it has become for the very rich, and the very poor – – and nobody in between.
But Carolyn just saw the tiny little men,in my back yard, toiling away at my invincible blackberry bushes, which look like they are rolling towards the house, towards my back yard, like a very green tsunami.She looked at them,and said”What the Hell, did you capture a school room of DWARVES? I MEAN, “LITTLE PEOPLE”?Who the HECK ARE THEY?” She was mystified.And suddenly they commenced to start singing the song,they had been singing, before Carolyn arrived.
“Come back into the house,”I told her,and guided her back to the living room.”I’ll tell you the absolute truth.”.
“Carolyn,dear,”I began,”You have to keep this deal very secret.Otherwise, the guys’ real owner will find out I have them.”.”You mean they are SLAVES?.” She replied.”NOOO,” I said hastily.”Carolyn, they are OOM-PA-LOOM-PAS!”
I sighed heavily.”I borrowed them from a big chocolate factory in Washington state(I have relatives in WA, who knew about them,in that factory.)So I could not get KIDS to cut my bushes and blackberries,weeds,grass. ect.–and these “landscape people” here, want a fortune.The maintenance here drives me nuts!!(I probably will still have to buy a clipper,and do more myself,in the future.–even with my BAD FEET.)–So I borrowed these litttle,strong,hard-working OOM-PAH–LOOM-PAS to do a lot of landscape work,on my badly managed small place!!”
Carolyn looked askance at me,as we went in the living room,and sat down.”OOOM-PA-LOOM-PAS? I thought they were NOT REAL!!”
“They ARE real,”I explained.”Anthropology explorers found them,on an otherwise abandoned island; they were a real ANTHROPOLOGY BREAK THRU!! NO ONE had ever dreamed of real little people,and that candy factory owner(you remember his name?)needed economical workers very badly.HE had them first;their island was very dangerous,so they were glad to leave.My relative, who worked in the same factory, saw them,and told me;I offered them a “temp job” by luring them and cooking for them.–letting them bunk down in my spare room.
They REALLY LIKE MY COOKING, so much,I don’t have to pay them;(I offered to).Seems the FOOD in WA state is not so great.Other than the Tillamook CHEESE PLACE, there isn’t much good food around there.–So in return for all this work,I cook, (as well as I can) and feed them very well. They have already hunted down all the CHOCOLATE IN EUGENE.–so they like eating well,for a while,and I don’t mind playing Snow White and the 7 dwarves temporarily.”.
“Their factory home doesn’t feed them very well?”Carolyn asked.”They get enough to eat,but meals tend to be brewed like a porridge, or stew,in a big pot,never much different, with hard tack bread. I promised them Coq Au Vin,pies, beef roast with mashed potatoes and gravy, roast chicken,rack of lamb,stuff I tried to feed my old roommates with.–its easier priced in BULK,too.,They LOVE WINE,and that grocery outlet discount market, has good imported red wine.(they don’t care for white.)”
“We’ve been having a great time,”I continued”,they are like little kids,very sweet and harmless–They work so hard in that candy factory,for PEANUTS (literally) that a couple days doing landscaping, eating well,and building up a good BEER BELLY,is just what they seem to like.–very disciplined–responsible–some employer will find them,some day,and pay them what their industry is really WORTH.” I sighed.”How they ended up slaving in that chocolate and candy factory, is beyond me!!”
Carolyn stared at me;”I think they outta be in juvenile Hall,or Foster Parent care,”she replied.”Carolyn,they are NOT LITTLE KIDS,They just LOOK that way!!The only slight fault I can see, is they like to SING A LOT,but its usually while they work.–and whistle very beautifully. And ,Boy,can they WORK!!!They make the maintenance-yard people here, look like idling no-good-nicks. WHAT A WORK ETHIC THEY GOT!! I wish I could keep them, but their food supply couldn’t be kept up–they love to eat!!!–(You should hear the “BEER-DRINKING SONGS!!)”
Sure enough, the OOM-PAH-LOOM-PAHS had transformed not only my little back yard,they tackled the whole dead orchard,tons of blackberry bushes,swinging machetes all day long,until my whole back-piece of land was clean of blackberry bushes,and their roots.
–The only down side was, way in the back of my place,one of them found a DEAD BODY.We called the sheriff’s dept,they mumbled around, so no clues were ever protected.They thought it was a dead homeless person,who was sick,and had crawled into the blackberry bushes,to have some shelter.–and then died. The far back of my place had gotten trees and wee-d over-taken,a whole group of homeless could have died there,and I would never hear or see them.
But after the OOM-PAH-LOOM-PAHS Had rehabilitated my landscape,and I had kissed the bald spots good-bye,on their little balding heads,I did feel more alone.Who says a female can’t live with several “little people” in the house,feed em,(manage their paychecks a bit) try to do their laundry,(everything was SMALL,it was like toddler clothing!)–instead of living alone?Some of them tried to find jobs locally that PAID BETTER,but Eugene does not have that!! So most of em went back to the chocolate factory, in WA, where they merely got a scolding from the owner,but who was relieved to get them back.
After all, they DID GET PAID REAL PEANUTS!!Carolyn and I looked at their triumphant work;the whole place,and farther back,was clean of blackberries,weeds,ect. It was a BLOODY MIRACLE. Who says that miracles can’t happen,and you can’t get some real little people,to work for meals,stay in yer house, and do the jobs high school kids refuse to do in Eugene now!?Sigh.
It sounds like a bloody miracle,and if they did exist, the OOM-PAH-LOOM-PAHS would challenge the “unknown work ethic” in Eugene and Lane county,and would work for something I could AFFORD. Even the MORMONS don’t go around,now,doing good deeds for people in the neighborhood.–THEY QUIT. SIGH.I would have the OOM-PAH-LOOM-PAHS BACK, should my back yard go to overflow,again, any time.–and not charge extra for PIE. LOTS of pie!
(Sandraminadotty, flummoxed by Oregon mad blackberry–“Day of the Triffids”–type-over-growth,and trying to keep em back, NO success!!!)
(remember we almost got this witch in the white house?we barely escaped every man in the USA LOSING HIS BALLS!!!)
(SATIRE IS OUR MIDDLE NAME!!)
..I DO NOT customarily sit in the living room, constructing time bombs and using plastic explosive. But since this very vexed senior has lost complete control over her purchases at Newegg,com, where you can’t even buy a damn surge protector, (THEY STOLE OR LOST IT)or a new telephone, without the UPS,OR the USPS,or whatever Newegg uses, —
—so you have to BE HOME AT THEIR DATE AND HOUR TO GET YOUR PACKAGES, it really makes it necessary for SOMEONE to take responsibility.–to build bombs,alert right wing terrorist groups, to put the United States Post Office out of OUR MISERY.
FUCK YOU, NEWEGG.COM!! And let’s go postal in the worst way.–Let’s bomb the Hell out of every post office in the USA,so we can get rid of the poisonous fungus called THE US POST OFFICE.–deadly and vicious fungus, warping all the mail and packages in the USA!!!
i had just spent all day,literally hours,on the phone,trying to get the transporter used by Newegg.com (neweggshit, that is, no decent chicken would ever claim to have laid that!!!)–and i FINALLY GOT THE REAL 800 NUMBER OF THE UNITED POST OFFICE–who sat on my phone,and calmly told me,in her baby voice, that I could go shit,she would not help me change my package delivery time and day.
I used to hang,in my youth,with very rough people, so I calmly let her know what she could do with herself.Besides that, my dad had been a San Francisco longshoreman,in his youth, so I knew how to use the word “God.”–in its most effective way.–and slammed the fuckin phone,I had spent a WHOLE DAY,AND WASTED EVERY HOUR OF IT.
HEY, NEWEGG.COM? Do you want less customers?All we seniors need to avoid yer website in the future(there are online reviews of Newegg.com) Since I am not a techie,obviously, or I wouldn’t be dumb enough to shop there, –But, I am NOT in the groove.I am OUT of it.
Carolyn was obviously nervous around the plastic explosive;”Don’t worry, it doesn’t just go off by itself,”I said.”It needs all kinds of stuff to put it off–and i am getting loads of help from those guys in Oklahoma–you know them? They never got ALL of them.” “Is that where you got some of your unbuyeble supplies?” asked Carolyn.”Sure,” do you think I use all that manure alone,I got more sophisticated plans from the Unabomber (he had friends too)”
“Are you sure his actually went off?” “We always test the plans,Carolyn,first, we don’t take chances!!” I reply.”That new lane of The new EMX will be history in a day or so.And it’ll make a nice cemetary downtown, too.”
Finally the EMX MONEY would really go where it was needed!
Carolyn just looked more nervous;”Why are you using the plans out of a novel called “Red Square? ” she was puzzled, .”That novel was written by a real Russian,”I replied,”Who wrote also the novel “Gorky Park.”He knows the most simple blend of paint,of certain chemicals, when laid on a road,or similar (while you run for cover)blows up horribly, and all it takes are the simplest explosives of all!!A teenager or kid could do it!!!” “And that novel gets sold in the USA?” “Sure,”I laughed,” its a used paper back,you can find it anywhere!!!”
I am not responsible for the novel;go seek out the NYC publishers.Bomb plans are still all over the web;I think I even picked up one on youtube–next to the lipstick turorial–ok, lipstick tutorials. “Explosive Red.”Go and get em.
And, I am not responsible for the manure sold in large amts, cause the dumb sales people in Oregon, don’t even know what it gets used for.It is supposed to be regulated as to sales; haha, sure, HAH HAH!! HO HO HO!!!
“Where are you going,”asked Carolyn, as I got ready to depart; “I have to meet my friends,obviously I can’t talk HERE–OR make plans!!You think I’m stupid?”
Well,I do buy junk from Newegg.com, so my IQ must be going down. Shit.
“I thought you were going to connect and construct all of them HERE,”replied Carolyn, more worried than ever.”Crap, no,” I said, about to close the door,”We don’t really do the important stuff even in Lane County!!I have to go, he’s honking; don’t worry!!
“If this does not work,all we Conservatives will promise to give Trump a 2nd term, if he just shuts down the US Post Office forever!!–and gives all the mail and packages to a private company!!!That would work;he’d just never allot MONEY to the Post Office, ever again!!no money, no post office!!” “I guess that would explain the plans to starve ObamACARE,from finances,”she mumbled. I nodded happily;and left her staring at the plastic.
(Sandraminadotty, senior,in Eugene,OR–crap, my blog has been HIJACKED, AND HACKED BY A NEO-TERRORIST GROUP!!!–I NEVER wrote any of the above–I have NO IDEA who wrote it,or is doing this!!I been HACKED!!!(Not for the first time,its true.)–but I take no responsibility for the above junk!!I don’t even know any violent use of manure–raise stinking dasies?And I never read the novel “Red Square,” I don’t even know who Chezchnians are!!(Spelling?) I am not a commie!!(OK, my dad was a a stupid young man,in San Francisco,and carried their card;big deal!!Everyone does stupid things when they’re young!!)–and worse when they’re old,I am not admitting to a damn thing, FBI!!!–In Eugene OR)
—AND I NEVER RECEIVED MY PHONE!!! NEVER!!!OR ANY NOTICE THERE OF!!!AND I STILL CAN’T LOG IN!!! THANKS A LOT, NEWEGG.
(another werid thing on the Web)
…And here we are.chomping along on black cranky keys, again,just over trying to buy a fuckin little surge protector from good old newegg.com—that splendid carrier by USPS, which dumps yer package on yer door step–CLONK!!!AND LEAVES–OR they just lose it on route.
(incidentally, everyone asks me”who is the artist, of the above “GOTH”?can i get anything made by them?THE ARTIST TOLD ME:”I can no longer do this art work.
“I was using “2draw.net” and “RYDIA.Taco.net” and these websites are screwed over by Oracle and Java; you would have to be an engineer to get on 2draw now.–and I am only an artist.Ditto for “rateyourdrawings” and other busy art sites,java-screwed-up art sites no one can now use to for art.NO,i do not have “shi-painter Pro” software!! I wish i did!!! this quality of art work is no longer possible.I will never be able to paint a green ass like that again!”.)
It is not like Carolyn and I can go out,and buy good hardware in Eugene Oregon;we are in “HICK BASIN” and when you hear all the “new” country western music, it is to throw up. The only electronics is “BEST BUY” which is never your best buy..
As of 30 forest fires raging out of control,in Oregon,and ash falling from a yellow sky,you don’t want to go out,and breathe in the diseases that come from old-tree-smoke–you remember the diseases that the Rain Forest let lose on poor Gweneth Paltow,in the epidemic movie?–where horrrible diseases came out of da rain forest?
GUESS WHAT!!! OREGON FORESTS also hide a mecca of nasty diseases !!–that get right into the burning smoke, and get carried to yer nose and lungs.–all over Eugene Oregon,Lane County,and do not expect the city or county to do a damn thing to warn you.-
-they won’t even talk about it, till yer kids and seniors all get sick!(and even then,no Eugene Register Guard will tell you about the diseases you are inhaling.)
“I am trying to get a space-helmet from NASA(IS THAT SPELLED RIGHT
? THE SPACE FOLKS?)you know,fly me to the moon!!”La la la la!!”.–so i can breathe in Oregon again!!!” Carolyn says,”Forget about breathing; no one is doing that here,it was suspended!”–COFF COFF-COFF-WHEEZE–“
I know folks in Michigan,think Oregon is a great paradise-hippie land!!!–oh what a joke!!!I mean, CHOKE!!–OREGON used to be beautiful before MAN–and now never beautiful from Invading Californicators”.–leave yer dumb Prius somewhere else!!-fuckin organic greenies!!!-
-everyone no longer can get camp sites, Californers got them all!!. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT CAMPING—WE HAVE NO FORESTS OR STATE PARKS!!! YEAH, you Callies missed all of Oregon, its one=gone-state-of=-Ore-y-gon!!
OREGON IS OVER WITH.–OUR new name is Los Angeles..Same conditions completely.–and the SMOG IN WILLAMETTE VALLEY just got enriched by rampaging forest smoke!!–
stop breathing, you idiots, there is no air left here!!WHY ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE MOVING HERE,SO THEY AND THEIR kids can breathe in diseased forest fire smoke??
bring your scuba-diving-oxygon tanks with you.–and lay in oxygon supplies–you’ll need them!!!(WHEEZE) WHAT A HOOT!!I want to sell these suckers the Brooklyn Bridge! They already Bought into the “OregonDream”.Yer realtor forgot to tell you, we do not breathe here,during the late summer and early Fall;
we DIE A LOT.(coff coff)
my parents and sister always said I made an ASH OUT OF MYSELF in life.–they were right to consign me to smoke,ash,and diseases of the forest–fires–and now we try to go around in gas masks like the Japanese and China!!!–Eugene is gas-mask-city!!Carolyn and I can’t even go out for ice cream.–or anything else–but USPS is not going to deliver you GROCERIES. –they can’t even spell it.–much shop or deliver real food..
I cannot go out,i am expecting a bad sinus infection–although all the drop-in clinics are stuffed with poisoned lungs.–and of course, in Oregon, there are NO ENT DOCTORS ANY MORE. THEY all left the state, or retired.S we recommend, you stop using a sinus,or other ENT equipment.There is no body-shop for them..Try living in a civilized state that actually uses money instead of medicaid,medicare and credit-debt. OREGON IS A MEDICAL-SOCIALIZED STATE. –which is why all the doctors hate it.
–because THAT IS WHERE all the doctors fled to—AWAY FROM OREGON!!!–MONEY-VILLE USA.COUGH COUGH SNEEZE–CHOKE–WHERE EVER there is still any air!!!–but not in Oregon any more.
(Sandraminadotty, coff coff not breathing in Eugene Oregon)
(SKETCH OF OREGON STOLEN OFF WEB)
I am finally home,eating dinner,like any respectable 70-yr,-old Eugene Oregon native.But my visit to a drop in clinic,has revealed victims of the horrible forest-fire SMOKE,covering the whole Willamette Valley.People can”t BREATHE!–and the cops have nothing to do with it.I was losing my sinus,bronchial places,to the smoke.–so was everyone else.
I was lucky,i usually get sinisitus, but its been the ALLERGIES along with smoke!I started taking prescription allergy meds, just so I could still live here.”My sister won’t let me live with her,in that pleasant,healthy,very rich area of Northern California named “RICH REAL ESTATE.But she liveS on the cusp of the bad crime area.just snuggled into “RICH,QUIET REAL ESTATE. Even her WEATHER IS GOOD!”
“What’s her neighborhood, I forgot.” “Mostly retired teachers and principal who socked away doUgh,and also assorted rich people,ORGANIC,GREENIES, NON-GLUTEN,AND even RICH HIPPIES. A lady in her weight watchers class donated several thousand bucks to my sisters’ charity,and those rich people are nice.–and ACCESSIBLE. THEY LIKE DONATING MONEY!”
HEY, how do I disguise myself as my own personal charity? There must be “socially redeeming qualities” in me somewhere!” “You like to blog, discuss Eugene,& Oregon,” said Caroline “”You’re not a bad writer.You do art pretty well.” “You forgot my adorable angry temper,and flying into rages.” “I was trying to avoid mentioning that,” she replied.
The horrible brownish-black smoke in Eugene,from all the huge fire-raging-catastrophe, really pulled a bunch of bad PTSD symptoms on me,and my mind was swept back to the grass-seed burning every summer, ALL SUMMER LONG, in the Willamette Valley.
My dad coughing with a bloody nose,was a well-established sight.Later,he got Epstein-Bar symptoms,which kept him from moving very much,doing his gardening. Some of us suspected that the valley’s heavy SMOG had long term effects, and could even result in DISEASES we got clobbered with, later.Auto-immune symptoms were widely spread in the valley, even among my friends.,
But don’t try to change this town for,something HEALTHIER; it’s impossible;I am POOR,I live in a smog-infested,over-crowed,traffic-jammed Eugene.–and i was predicted to eventually get chronic asthma here.–THANK YOU, SMOG!!!OREGON is not a very “healthy state.”You think TEXAS IS BAD?COFF-COFF–COFF–more forest fires today,you can’t even see the sun.100 degrees of SMOKE.
(Sandraminadotty, coff coff coff-wheeze-in Eugene Oregon)
(SATIRE IS OUR MIDDLE NAME!!)
hi hello I don’t want to use the fucking dictation box, because Dragon NaturallySpeaking is telling me, they won’t let me type here. The hell with that! As usual, I have a problem that is online or with computer stuff. You know we seniors are pretty get sick and tired, of messing around with all this computer junk and software.Is there some God damn reason, that the Dragon NaturallySpeaking, will not type on word press anymore?
There has to be a reason but usually it’s just because the software is crapping out on you. You think that all this computer stuff is exact, and perfect, the problem is, it’s being designed by very fucked up people..did you know that Bill Gates is autistic?
Absolutely there is film of him, rocking back and forth, in front of the federal government where he’s being tried for monopolies or something.(I don’t know if it’s available on the web, I privately saw it on a website for autistic people, and they had captured the film. And they said “Bill Gates rocks! “)tell me, do most people get weird and rock back and forth, like a four-year-old, in front of the federal government questioning you? I don’t think so.
the only thing that he did NOT do in front of the federal government, was suck his thumb and cry for his teddy bear! And this is the person who is running Microsoft and Windows! And you wonder why everything is so fucked up around this?
all I was trying to do, was go on at Etsy Studio , to buy some jewelry findings. I found them okay, but when it came to buy them, the website was Refusing my Visa card over and over. I checked with my bank, my card was perfectly fine and had plenty of money (at least enough to buy a few findings) so I keep going back at the studio, and I even phone them up. And they cannot fix it. And they blame me! And they blame my Visa card and my bank...
okay, recently you know that is now okay to blame the banks for everything, because they had a major part in all the huge financial disaster. And we had to pay, for all the banks disgusting fuck ups! And you wonder why Trump got into office? You bet people are probably as angry as Clint Eastwood in one of his movies.–
all the election polls were incorrect, because a huge majority of the United States refused to tell who they were going to vote for. – Because all the liberal media and all the liberal audience, would’ve made a huge hue and cry.–so we now have the “silent majority” become the “silent minority” and they’re not going to tell you what they are going to do anymore.
and you can bet, if they ever have a revolution and unseat the federal government, they’re not going to tell you anything ahead of time. Not even about how they feel!as for Etsy studio, you have to be careful because people from all over the world will try to sell you stuff and let you think that you are buying in the United States. – – And then you find out how much the delivery will cost.
No I don’t want to buy jewelry findings from Canada!
..That does take Etsy off the table, as far as buying much cheaper jewelry findings. So there is a limit to how well you can buy stuff online. There is definitely a limit now!Etsy has gotten so big, and greedy, that there huge website doesn’t function anymore, and is rejecting business. It sounds just like Amazon.com. – They do this all the time, and they keep rejecting people from buying.
yes, that does limit physically and mail wise, my buying power on the web anymore.you’re going to find out, you can’t order that special Hawaii and coffee, from almost the islands themselves. – – Because once their websites become huge and bloated, their software won’t work anymore, and you’ll have to go to the grocery store for coffee!
So much for the wonderful freedom and limitless access of the web.
As usual, Carolyn is looking over my shoulder, and nodding while I type. It’s okay, I’m the one who likes to blog. And she says casually “I think you have enough flour to make those chocolate cupcakes, ever since your birthday, you’ve been avoiding to make. But I think you have all the stuff now! And they are very low-fat! Why the hell don’t we let go of all this junk online, and make some chocolate cupcakes?” I don’t want to answer her, because the truth is, I haven’t been very good at cooking lately I am really out of practice.but why not? The oven is not great, but I have a separate oven thermometer and that works okay.
…..Okay, that sounds fabulous, chocolate cupcakes, very moist, with cream cheese frosting! And we’re not really crushing our diets. We’re just not going to eat any regular food now, ha ha!who the hell needs ETSY studio?ITS SATURDAY OFF DIET DAY!!! ONE DAY a week,we loosen our belts,and get\ cocoa powder,and stuff,popcorn,coconut butter melted on it—its delicious better than real butter!!!
Let that be a lesson to big website businesses, when they get as big as a bloated fed, govt..,and do not listen to their buyers(voters ) anymore,People will stop buying your stuff,and go elsewhere–no votes,no buyers, is that any way to run the a Web or the Fed. Govt.?
HEY, PRESIDENT TRUMP!! YEAH, THE FED IS TOO BLOATED,CORRUPT AND OUT OF CONTROL of the people!!!WHY DON’T YAH COME UP AND TWEET ME SOME TIME??LET’S TALK TURKEY(OR steak,,no matter to me)and help each other try to unmix the mess,the fed, is screwed up in. It’s much worse than Amazon.com,cause its responsible for the care and health treatment of millions of we seniors.–and that ain;t hay!!
(I am just watching the end of “Yankee Doodle Dandy”with Jimmy Cagney dancing all over the TMC screen.what a wonderful movie!!what a wonderful country!!It’s where we all live,we better start fixing it up,its all we got.Thank you, Trump, for reminding us of that.It’s a lot more important, too,than bloated up websites on the web.—buying stuff!!clicking and clicking!! We had a country before the Web,we could still have a nation after its gone some day.
I abandon Etsy,and it’s bad reviews,and hustle off to cupcakes as if they’re red white and blue–and will make up- for everything this country has lost–freedom of speech–freedom of “personal opinions”before “politically correct” took over.—the web,yes,will maybe be gone, some day, but we Americans are gonna stick around, –rampaging seniors and all.(Sandraminadotty in Eugene OR “its popcorn day!!yay!”Shalom!!)
(SATIRE IS OUR MIDDLE NAME!!!)
(TO BE CONTINUED SOON)….
(poor pokemon doesn’t know “Local business”will charge him to dry-clean his tail!!)
‘SATIRE IS OUR MIDDLE NAME!!”
…”You been getting comments on yer blog,”said Carolyn,reading over my shoulder,again,”that your blog exaggerates all the bad stuff about Eugene Oregon.”
I handed her the phone, so my sister,who was on long distance phone to me,could answer that question.”No,” she voiced loudly to Carolyn,”It’s not an exaggeration that Eugene Oregon has some of the very most DISHONEST TRADESMEN( plumbers,bug-guys,repair,ect) in all of the USA.”
She continued,”My sister is a native, but she is UNDER-exaggerating the problem!!! the dishonesty of tradesmen in Eugene is much WORSE than she says!!!I wouldn’t move back to Eugene,unless the rest of the nation was all atom-bombed!–and maybe not then!!”
“My sister found “real handy-men”,in California, you think i should move back?”I asked.My sister promptly hung up the phone;she LIKED not living with poor relatives.OH, well,that’s California!!(to be continued soon).
“So what are ye going to do?” asked Carolyn.”You should get a boyfriend, and get him to fix stuff!!–lots of women do that–they even marry them,just to get everything in the house(and outside) fixed.,”I used to do that when i was young,”I answered, dourly,”It was easier to get a white,tall Christian guy,who was really good at fixing things.I had a male gay Jewish roomie,years ago,who was a great guy,but not at repairs–the half Japanese guy was talented at that.”
“Are you doing “racial-stereo-typing”?asked Carolyn,looking at my cat throwing up on the floor.”By the way,why do you let yer cat eat grass all the time?It just makes them throw up.””–instead of a hair ball,”I answered,”She won’t let me brush or comb her,so i can’t stop the hairballs,so she just eats grass,and then i also give her that anti-hairball medicine,which she hates me for putting on her.”
Aside from my cat,I had to explain to Carolyn that i was not racially-stereotyping my ex friends and roomies;”They were just the way they were, nothing more or less,”I said.”But some where along the line,i gave up repair-man boyfriends, cause I couldn’t handle the relationships.” It was true; San Francisco was not the best place to look for straight, white, wage-earning boyfriends who were not really screwed up.I was screwed up,too, sure and that was an added incentive to go without boyfriends there.
WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?OH,YEAH, the plight of home repair in Eugene Oregon~~Go to Lowe’s hardware, or anything except Jerry’s,ask them how to fix stuff, and buy the stuff to repair it!!START learning to do it yerself!!In Eugene, it seems to be necessary;I could not pay Petersen plumbing any more, cause they would cost me $500. just for replacing a leaky toilet!!!~”What are you gonna do?”repeated Caroline,”Learn plumbing?”
My answer was amazing even to me;”Hey, I did lots of other things that are not supposed to be possible; I am a survivor,lots of my former friends are dead,or homeless,or locked up somewhere.If I need to learn elementary plumbing, then THAT is what I will do!!!”I will call up all the hardware stores,some of them have tutorials,or classes to learn home repair.
They realize that in Oregon,Lane County,you better learn to repair and fix stuff in your own house, cause if you hire any tradesmen in Eugene,Oregon, you are in trouble.–Either they will “fix it” so yer toilet runs riot every 6 months,or charge you $500. for a simple leak.
What do you think all those huge hardware stores are for?Just for the professionals?no way!! They are selling all those desperate homeowners tools,equipment, and materials so they can fix the fucking junk themselves!!We seniors don’t have much money since we were all FIRED in immense amts. and have not been able to get a job since the big lay-off.It was SENIORS and middle -agers who lost all their jobs–and often could never get another one!!.
“Yeah,”mused Carolyn,”Seniors did’nt really retire,a lot of the time,they just got permanently laid off!!Your sisters’ partner was one of the few seniors I ever heard of,who got another job in business,after she was fired by that nasty big law firm–cause the company wanted a young cheap person who was less expensive,and would put up with abuse on the job.–And that’s what they hired.-
“-but it did turn out,yer sister said, the law firm got what they paid for--the new person could not do the job! .HAH HAH–DON’T YOU just LOVE CORPORATIONS?DON’T you wish the guys from Fight Club would organize, and really blow them all up?–like in the movie?–I love that movie!!”
“Me too,”I replied, “It was truly so well written, as a satire of the modern work world–and how all the MEN were so fed up with it!!!I really relate to that movie,and the men in it who are frustrated with the asshole modern world.But now I must leave that hallowed ground of workmen frustrated, and learn how to fix a lotta stuff myself,so i don’t get broke and swindled in this city any more. I am NOT KIDDING. WHAT ELSE should I do with an 140 IQ? be a damn scholar? Crap,I need to fix stuff in the REAL WORLD!!”
“wELL,” REPLIED cAROLYN,”i gotta say, yer new armor-plated mail box looks like a big tank without the wheels.I notice a few of yer neighbors got similar ones.Nice!!I like it!!You are learning a little!!” “Wish me luck,”I say, starting to turn up hardware stores, online, and phone no.s. Altho my SISTER was always the one who was good at every craft under the sun.I am the non-fix-it-sister till now.I will just try this out of need.” We both decided I would do it.
Damn the torpedoes!!!(I love submarine movies,cause you would never get ME into one of those submerged tin-cans!!Men truly do stuff not all we women want to do, also.At least not this chicken!!!)Hah hah!!! 🙂 🙂
(Sandraminadottie, in Eugene,I sewed a dress from scratch,but now I gotta do the same for house-hardware!!!)…..